On Hypotheticals
by Miss Krahka
Summary: Talward doesn't know how to ask Nadia out. So he goes to an expert: Tharan Cedrax. LSM!Jedi Consular/Nadia Grell


Talward had faced down Sith Lords, could tell you all the sources of the Jedi Code, could talk a Wookiee into an alliance with a Trandoshan, but when it came to certain subjects, he was completely in the dark, as ignorant as a child raised by horranth.

He loved Nadia, this he knew. He had poured through every tome on the subject of love and had come to the conclusion that the Jedi orthodoxy on the subject was wrong. With the proper protocols and a pure heart, free of passion but filled with compassion, it could lead to goodness and truth. He examined all his feelings, ever since he met her. Every conversation they had, she was brilliant, in the fundamentals of intelligence she equaled and often surpassed his own faculties. He was the teacher, but with her, was as often the student. He had learned so much from her, and he wanted to be able to communicate it to her how much he meant to her.

So he had to check outside sources and experts. And he knew one expert when it came to romantic attraction, Tharan Cedrax.

He knocked on the side of the door. Doors and walls meant little to him, except as obstacles to run into. "Tharan?" he hailed.

Tharan motioned for Talward to come in.

"Ah! Jedi! My doors are always open for you. Not that I can close them."

Holiday beamed bright pink. "Ooh, visitors! Tharan and I were just talking about this ship."

Talward smiled. "We ought to install doors, at least for the illusion of privacy, for the Force blind."

"And your lack of eyes continues to frighten me. What can we do for you?"

Talward swallowed the lump in his throat. "You understand women, yes? I mean, not anatomically, I mean, well, how to express romantic feelings to them. And get them to like you back."

Tharan leaned back. "My knowledge of women is legendary throughout the galaxy."

"That why I've never seen you with a woman that wasn't Holiday?"

"That's got nothing to do with it! Just ask your question, don't imply anything."

"Well, let's say, hypothetically, that there's this girl …"

"Go on."

"And let's suppose, hypothetically, that I had a romantic interest in her. Let's assume all this. For the sake of science."

"Yes, I know, you Jedi are awfully sexually repressed creatures, I know, I know. But you have a fine lady in your sights -Force sights, no offense- and you wish to woo her? Well, I am a master of wooing."

"Yes. I wish to woo her. Hypothetically."

"Of course, this is all for the sake of expanding your base of knowledge, not because there's an actual girl you've fallen for, is that it?"

"Yes. I mean, hypothetically."

Holiday giggled. "Ooh, Master Jedi, you're in love. How adorable!"

"I'm not!" Talward sputtered. "I mean, I am a Jedi. I have control over my emotions. I am making an educated choice."

Holiday just smiled. "It's Nadia, isn't it? See, I told you Tharan!"

Talward sighed. If even the sentient hologram could see it? "It … let's hypothetically say it's Nadia. To make it concrete."

"I'll let you have her," Tharan said, patting him on the back. "I've got the whole galaxy for me, and you're still a virgin. It's my duty as your friend to see your sad, virginal state ended and to let you too, experience the joys of sex."

"I'm not interested in her just for sex! I want, I mean, I want to know more about the social phenomenon of romance. And I would like you to educate me on its particulars."

Tharan put his arm around Talward's shoulder. "You've come to the right place. I know all about it."

"So, where would I start? Hypothetically? If I were interested in say, Nadia? If."

"Of course. Now, if I were wooing someone, say, Nadia, I would, in theory, start by taking her out somewhere impressive and complimenting her, showing her that I appreciate her fine form."

"What exactly would that entail?"

"Well you start by complimenting her, by showing her some affection, but not too much, not to make you look desperate. You wouldn't want to look desperate. You want to look like a prize, as much a prize as she is."

"But she isn't a prize. This hypothetical woman who happens to be Nadia, in theory. She's a person and she belongs to no one."

"Well, right. You don't want her getting too attached, so that you can't duck out when she gets too clingy."

"But let's say you think this will be forever that you like her. And you don't want to duck out. What would happen then?"

"Oh you poor, innocent child, so naive, so new to the ways of the galaxy." Tharan scruffed Talward's ever-messy hair.

"We can talk about this later, but let's get to the start. What would I say?"

Tharan pulled up a datapad and handed it to Talward. "Here. I'm entrusting you with all my secrets. Look at these, memorize them, and there is no way that she won't instantly fall madly in love with you."

Talward took the datapad and bowed. "Thank you, Tharan. You've been an excellent friend and I'm sure you'll be an excellent teacher."

"If there's anything else you need to know, just ask."

Holiday chirped. "Good luck! Or may the Force be with you!"

Talward was glad to have a friend like Tharan.

He went to his quarters and started reading over everything he had written about the "Art of Seduction", as he called it, capital letters and all. Most of it seemed to make little sense to him, but there were some specific, concrete instructions and lines to use. They weren't things that he would've come up with on his own, but since he knew so little about how to deal with women on a romantic level he had to take some things on faith.

After a few frantic nights of memorization, he thought he was ready. He first needed to find a place to take her. She had said on many occasions that she liked Voss, and they happened to be stuck on Voss for a while, so he found a teahouse in the Alien District that had rave reviews from various ambassadors. It wasn't quite as fancy as Tharan's notes suggested, but there wasn't really anything on Voss that let in outsiders that was particularly opulent.

But first he had to ask her there.

"Nadia?"

Nadia was busy reading, but she smiled brightly and her aura flickered when she saw Talward. "Oh? Master? Are we going to explore Voss more?"

"Yes, I mean, well, would you like to come with me to visit the teahouse? I was just heading there and I mean, I would like to be accompanied by a beauty whose uh, beauty rivals the stars." That was one of the lines that Tharan said worked every time. She giggled, so he thought that meant it worked. Or maybe that meant it didn't work? He didn't have any sections on what it means when a girl giggles at you. He didn't have many sections on interpreting behavior. Most of it was just lines.

"Well, when you put it that way, of course I'll come with you!" Nadia put away her books. She hesitated with one, and decided to keep it. "Actually, I'll bring this book. I think you'll like it. We can read it together when we're there."

So that was a success, Talward thought. At least he got her to come with him. But he was her Jedi Master, of course she'd be obliged to come with him to places, what if she was coming with him just because of that, not because she really liked him? What if she secretly resented him for telling her what to do and what to read and how to think? He started to panic. He needed to use another line.

"Well, your taste in books rivals my own!" Wait that sounded wrong, but Tharan assured him that this would work, and he was the expert.

"I don't know about that," she said. "That last book you recommended was really interesting. I'm looking forward to the next one in the series."

"And I'm looking forward to the next one in my series," Talward replied. He didn't know what it even meant, it just seemed like something Tharan would say. She looked as confused by this as Talward. "I mean I'm looking forward to uhhh, well, nevermind." He blushed bright red as he was unable to finish the sentence.

Nadia swooped in to the rescue. "So you want to leave right now? I'm ready."

Talward nodded. "I too am ready. Shall we?"

The two of them left together to go down to the planet. As they took the shuttle down to the planet from the orbital station, Nadia looked out the window and smiled the whole time. Talward felt like he had to say something.

"The view reminds me of your uhhh … posterior?" He couldn't bring himself to say the word that Tharan had written in his notes. "It's heavenly."

Nadia seemed to miss the part about her rear end. "How do you see it? Sometimes I wonder if what I see is as beautiful as what you do."

"I could teach you Force Sight some time!" he said excitedly, finally on a topic that he actually knew anything about. But that was reminding her that he was her teacher, not that he was a potential boyfriend, and Tharan had warned against that. "I mean, we could spend some time together, but right now we're on, well, uh …" he didn't want to say that it was a date, because he didn't want Nadia to get any wrong ideas. Or right ideas. He just had no idea what to do. "We're visiting places. And the Voss get upset when people other than Mystics start talking about the Force or about any power besides premonition."

"They do seem sort of uptight about it, but it makes sense," Nadia said. "This is all new to them and they've had their own ways of doing things for years. It's hard to just change that."

And there were the insights that Talward so loved. He wanted to compliment her more on that than on her physical appearance, and he didn't even know if Tharan saw the same thing in a woman as he did. Auras could be beautiful, but Talward had no idea if that correlated to visual beauty. All he knew was that Nadia's was one of the most beautiful he'd ever seen. He thought of saying something about that, but decided against it. Tharan's notes said nothing about auras.

Once they landed, they headed for the teahouse, stopping a few times along the way to check out the market stalls and all the fascinating smells and sounds of the goods sold there. Nadia seemed to love them all, and Talward couldn't help but adore her and her insatiable curiosity again.

But things were getting quiet again and he needed something to say. "Nadia?"

"Yes, Master?"

"Is your spirit animal a vornskr? Because your … you have me paralyzed!" He had a lot of lines in that pattern. Talward didn't understand any of them, but this was all new territory for him, so he had to expect some things to not make sense at first.

Nadia turned around from sniffing at the spices and raised her eyebrow in confusion. That wasn't the reaction he was going for. But he took a little comfort in the fact that she was just as confused by this as he was. Before he reminded himself that the reaction he was going for was for was not confusion at all. His heart sank as she just kind of giggled awkwardly at this, not saying anything else. He sighed as the two of them walked to the teahouse.

They were greeted by a Voss and his family. "Greetings, outsiders," the father said with a slight bow. "We're always glad to have guests. Please, Yana-Ton, pour the simple teas."

"Yes father," she replied as she went to go brew them some tea.

Nadia was smiling. "I've never had Voss tea before. But it smells so good!"

"I bet it tastes as sweet as you are," Talward said. That was one he was preparing, since he knew that they'd

"Actually," the Voss said, "Most outsiders find our teas quite bitter. It is hard to appreciate the full complexities without a lifetime of study."

"So it'll taste as bitter as you!" Talward said before he realized what he actually said. "I mean as complex, as … well …" Nadia was already laughing at this point. He still didn't know whether laughter was a good thing or not, but he liked hearing it.

"Please outsiders, take a seat here," the Voss's son instructed them, showing them to a table for two.

Talward muttered some thanks as he and Nadia took their seats.

Nadia looked straight at him as Talward tried to maintain eye contact, a trick that the Jedi had to teach him during training, as it didn't come naturally to him. Tharan also emphasized it, to "make sure that people forget that you're a creepy eyeless weirdo", in his words. She smiled as they waited for their tea. Talward smiled back. Smiling was a good response. He was happy here, right now, looking into her eyes and smiling, but he still had to say something.

"Your eyes are as beautiful as a …" he started.

Nadia interrupted him before he could go on. "You're getting lines from Tharan, aren't you?"

"How'd you know?"

Nadia laughed. "Because you're saying things that don't sound like you. They all sound like you're reading from a script written by Tharan, with all this talking about yourself and how beautiful I am."

"Well, I … you are beautiful, and I wanted to tell you that. You're beautiful. I mean, um."

She shook her head. "For a Jedi Master, you're pretty dense sometimes." With that, she leaned in to kiss him. Talward resisted it at first in shock, but then went along with it, realizing that his fantasies of kissing her were now coming true.

"I don't like you because you have all these lines. I like you for you. You're funny, you're sweet, you're kind of awkward and you don't know what to do in social situations. You're adorable and I never dreamed that you could be interested in me too."

"Wait, you're interested in me? I mean, not like you find me interesting, but because …"

"Because I love you? Yes. Do you love me?"

"I … don't know? I read a lot of books on the subject. A Jedi can … well, with the Council's permission, with educated reasoning, which I have done a great deal of meditation and reasoned all I could but the feelings just won't go away and I've loved you since we met …"

"You're so cute when you talk too much," she said. She pulled him in for another kiss. He blushed as red as a Sith.

"So," Tharan asked, back at the ship. "How'd it go?"

Talward sighed, a huge dopey smile on his face. "Let's say, hypothetically, that she loves me back."


End file.
